The fucktoy experience

This happened a while back. Or, it has happened on several occasions, but this was the first.

We've just come inside your house after a nice evening with barbeque and board games. Finally we're back to ourselves. I have a brief look at my cellphone, then at my Facebook page to see if there's anything new. This has been a day when we've been busy, and I see a nice, calm evening in the horizon, maybe some snuggles, and then enjoying our books in bed.

 But then you're behind me, ordering me to take my clothes off. I barely have time to check out the sort of important bit on my feed about my cousin having his baby. When my clothes are removed, I kneel before you. You take my hair and hold it, and have me look up towards you. Then I'm commanded first to the bedroom, then on all fours on the bed, my backside facing the edge. I have no idea what's on your agenda this evening, but it seems it isn't a calm evening with books.

You're starting to play with my pussy, first on the outside, but before long you're finger fucking me, and not long after, I'm mercilessly recieving a dildo. It's all I can do to moan and feel, and accept the dildo fucking me. I'm your fucktoy. I'm your property. I'm yours. You're not doing this for my pleasure, you're doing it for yours. You're using me, and loving it. I'm being used, and I love it. Words are not what you want now. "Softer", "not so fast, please", "please let me have a little break", they're all phrases running through my mind, but I'm feeling your control. The control I have wanted you to take from the start. You have done so, several occasions before now... But not quite like this.

You're fully dressed. And in control. You're not allowing for me to touch you, and it's very clear, so I'm not touching. We move to the shower, as I have a tendency to squirt when being fucked. You order me up against the wall, to spread my legs, and then you continue to fuck me forcefully, without mercy. It's so good, it's so intense, it's almost painful. At one point I code pink, to have a little breather. Befoe long I'm ready again, and I'm taking everything you give me. I moan, I scream, I'm pretty sure I sob. And then I'm peaking, and gushing all over the shower floor. You find it so amusing that you keep fucking me, and making me cum again.

Later, as I'm washing myself with tears in my eyes and a sore throat, I can't stop smiling, despite my body being well spent, and my eyes all glassy.

New Life, Same blog.

I'm sat kneeling on the mattress on the floor. We're alone in one of the private playrooms at the club. 
I'm wearing my new collar and cuffs with so much pride. She sits down on a chair, looking down on me. I keep reminding myself not to caress her or stroke her legs. I'm her submissive now. The heavy clinking of the cuffs remind me, so most of the time I manage to keep my hands behind my back. I once forget, though, and she needs only make a sound, or look at me, to remind me. She's in charge. I want her to be. I like the control she's radiating. 

She orders me to take my top off, and my bra. Next she produces a clothespin. She puts it on my nipple. Then the other nipple. Then another pin on the first, and another pin on the second. She knows my reactions to it by now. And I love the natural way this happens. We've come past the stage where we test this and that to see how we both react. Now it's not playing with things anymore. The things have become more like means to an end. They're tools. 

Like I'm a tool. Or more like clay in her hands. She pinches my nipples; I moan. She grabs my chin; I seek her eyes, giving her my attention. She holds my throat; I gasp. But when she puts on one of our most recent purchases: the ring gag, my breath becomes more shallow. I can feel my pupils expand. And all of a sudden I feel a deep sense of gratitude towards her. I feel so lucky, to have her toying with me, shaping me into submission, accepting me sitting there like a helpless little fool. I didn't think of myself as 'little fool'... It's just so damn hard putting into words. I must look so ridiculous looking up at her, unable to close my mouth. And when she put a finger into my mouth I moan or something. I can't help myself. 

I have always been very independent. I am used to doing stuff alone. And relying on other people for my comfort, or filling my needs hasn't really been more than volatile luxuries. As I sit here on the floor I don't feel she is filling my needs momentarily. I feel she meets them on a whole other level. I have someone I can be vulnerable to. Someone who can see me as a 'topless little fool with her gaping mouth dry, yet full of saliva', and STILL like me. And she looks at me like I'm the prize, whereas I feel I'm the winner. 

I feel so incredible close to her. She toys with my nipples for a while, and we do a few other things as well. But when I'm curled up in her lap trying to descend, it's not pain I'm descending from, or horniness. It's an intimacy like I've never experienced. I had been able to, both physically and figuratively, to show her my affection for her. At least I hope she saw that in my eyes. I'm hers. So very hers. And so very grateful that she wants me to be hers. And that she wants to be mine. Mine to submit to, to give my all to. 

Kinkycamp at Kitty's place

This has been the most exciting week... Last Tuesday I had my female sadist visiting, along with her other submissive, a young boy we met this summer. So, three kinky people in my home all at once. Wow.

Wednesday the three of us went to a private munch with our kinky friends. I think the flat housed 30 kinksters. Being greeted with all those hugs just doesn't get old. I love it. I love this community, all the wonderful people!

During that evening I was so happy to be cuddled, laying in peoples laps, getting hugged, kissed by the cutest girl and beaten. Yeah, again I had the two girls (the girl I like and my female sadist) beat on me with various tools; canes, riding crops, paddle and who knows whar else... I felt this particular session was a bit to crowded for me... Too much talking, too few hits... But I still enjoyed it.. I just couldn't let go totally. Afterwards I got some aftercare from two guys,  one I feel I know pretty well now, and one I have met only a couple of times.

At one point my owner put a leash on my collar. And a while later she handed the leash over to the other girl who had beaten on me. She had me come over to her from my position sitting on my knees, which resulted in me on all fours facing her. And then she just held me there, I wasn't able to move (it's embarassing that I'm weaker than most anyone!). I didn't want to pull away, I really like this girl, but I felt I should just try to back up... uh-uh, didn't work. And then she started dominating me a bit, chastising me for pulling away, then for arguing... turned out the handle on the leash worked well for spanking on boobs. Well, it wasn't pleasant, but as I have mentioned, I like people holding me responsible for my own actions. I'm not going to turn into a bratty sub just to get attention, but more often than not, lately I seem to get myself in trouble. And the fact that she wanted me THAT close was a bit exhilarating as well

Saturday I went with my two owners (my male owner came over just after the munch) and the male sub to the local bdsm-club. We had dressed up fancy and brought toys, that is canes, floggers, +++.
This time I was able to relax, although I was standing, leaning my arms and upper body against some kind of gym equipment (no idea what you call that in english). Both my sadist where hitting on me, and this time they were very coordinated. I almost went to my good place... but just almost... maybe it was because I was standing, I don't know... But there was a couple of conversations that went


Me: ow ow ow ow, stooop
*stopping*
Me: More now?


After that beating, when I had been taken good care of, sitting by my Masters legs, almost purring, I went back to the café-area. There I kept failing to follow a conversation, or even realize someone was talking to me. I guess I was a little out of it. Anyway, later still, my female owner granted a man sitting next to me access to my boobs. The result: Today I have finger marks on them! They were squeezed, sucked on, pinched at, twisted... I have been curious about breast play... I'm still not sure that's something for me. But at least SOME of it was good.

I'm rambling, it's late... I'm still recovering from the fact that all three visitors are now gone, and I'm alone in my home, trying to process so many memories. I found a lot of them too personal to share, however, so this is what I ended up with.

My name is Kitty, and I'm a masochist

No longer in denial, I truly am a masochist. I went to a 4-day party with known and unknown kinksters, and here's some of my impressions

Collared:
This kitty is now collared by no less than two sadists. Boy and girl. My new Lord and his collared pet. So, a Dom with two kittens. Or two sadists and a little me who's being cared for a whole lot. Or, a kitten that both has a pet and a Master... that's win-win for all parties, I think :)

Pinched and punished:
It's not all roses being owned and cared for. Right now I can't remember the reason, but I earned some punishment during the 4 day-fun... Not spanking-kind of fun, but pinching-the-inside-of-my-thighs until I promised I wouldn't do it again. That really hurt. But somewhat I found myself breathing a little bit more shallow. Turned on by consequences? Check. No, I wasn't turned on by the pain. That wasn't good pain. No, the thing that got me going was the fact that now someone actually CARED to punish my rudeness, or whatever it was I had deserved punishment for.

Eaten:
On my back, naked, in a room full of people. Covered in grapes, strawberries and pineappled dotted with whipped cream and chocolate sauce. Chatter and music in the distance, but focusing very much on the three people gathered over me, eating of my body. A body full of faults and flaws, but a body I'm relatively happy with, and don't really have a problem showing. Tongues and lips on my nipples, on my stomach, around my navel, nearing my crotch.... It was a wonderful sensation. Especially when being admired by someone. I don't really think they were complimenting my body, just the arranging of the fruits and cream. but I was happy anyway :) A little while later I was putting fruit on Her. And she was a lot more ticklish than me, so licking up the cream on her tummy was really fun!

Caged:
You'd think that being caged in a spacey cage in a room full of people would be a turn-on for KittyTheExhibitionist... But it really wasn't. Nobody puts Baby in a corner, but they put Kitty in a cage in a corner. So, what does Kitty-imprisoned-for-the-first-time do? She acts out, first by playing with her phone (that very convieniently lie on the top of the cage) when His back was turned. That was confiscated pretty quickly. No hard words for those actions, He just had me giving him my phone, then took it, and sat down with his back turned again, continuing his chat. 

Then I was rambling inside the cage, making a lot of noise for attention. I seriously had trouble smiling inside the cage. "Oh, how cute a kitty!" people would say, and I think I can honestly say I glared back at them. After a while I was allowed out of the cage. I was however given an option of either going silently back to the cage later, or not to get spanked... So, after a time which was spent being a part of the festivities, He opened the cage door to me, where I sat quietly, and now also comfortably. My restlessness over not being a part of the party had dampened.

It was however kinda cool to realize I actually have a need to act out in some situations. 

Caned:
At some point, a cane was brought out for testing. I was sitting on His lap watching a male sub being tied to the cross recieving some caning.... And I felt like a little child who wants to try a new toy. With fear-induced joy. Yes, I've tried cane before, but after a first-time session memories fade - especially if it's a successfull session. So I kind of sat there on His lap and .... almost begged that he try it on me. Well, long story short; me on a table, 2 am, half the party had gone to sleep... Me on a table, warmed up by a flogger... then came the cane. The first hits were nice. Not to hard. Left me anticipating, excited... Then came some harder ones, I needed to start focusing on my breathing. Had time to register that is hurt, but that I kind of liked the stinging. The intensity grew, and suddenly my whole body was shaking, and I was yelling, no moaning loudly while He continued to hit. I felt the pain of each stroke, but the strongest sensation was that of .... a wave of something that resembled pleasure. Eventually I bent my legs upwards to show that I'd had enough. I was kind of awestruck... But needed a comparison. "Could you give me a short, really hard whack with a riding crop, please?" Pleaded the KinkyKitty... WHACK - 1 second - *more moaning/yelling*

So, the lesson learned was: Oh, riding crop isn't the only tool to bring me that curious sensation... canes works too.. and they work longer... Huh...

Apparently my yelling had people pouring into the room from outside, and someone mentioned she could hear it was me a long distance away. I asked her if it sounded like I was in pain. Her reply was definitely No!

Dear diary, I have sinned. It's been 1 1/2 month since my last confession

...But I don't feel like a sinner. On the contrary, I feel lucky to be one of quite a few people worldwide who gets to live out her dreams. Getting to know more and more people through my local BDSM community leads me to think that there's a LOT of kinksters out there. BUT... considering how many people we are in this world, I think we're still some of the select few who gets to explore our sexuality.

Since my last confession I've mostly been out of everything to do with sex. And to do with BDSM, save for a few munches, public and private.

You know that bench I told you about, to which I was strapped and tickled? I was strapped more tightly to it when I got to experience a truly great female sadist's work. It was just a paddle, and her hands and fingernails doing some work on my butt and tighs, but it still turned out to be a long session, it left me kind of dizzy, and not at all scared to try out more. We had to stop because it was late and her wrists started to hurt... Not because I couldn't take anymore. Oh, how I felt my buttcheeks blush for the next hour.

My other cheeks didn't blush, even though I had a little audience. It's an extra spice for me.

I left this session thinking I was still just curious. Curious about that cane she used on my friend, but not on me.... What kind of pain would such a thing produce?

I found out recently. Different place, much the same people, but this time two female sadists instead of one. Not mainly sadists. And not really experienced (at least that what they said). Just two cute girls that I had made plans with. After almost a month of nothing kinky whatsoever, sitting in front of my computer trying to produce an exam, dreaming of a repetition of that night with that girl sadist helping me get some stress relief....

Finally I got some! Lying on my stomach/boobs on a flat bench, having my legs tied to the bench, out on each side, and my hands lied out in front of me, I got that nice feeling of ropes again. But my attention and desire was mostly on some spanking. There was a cane in the room as well. I told one of the cute girls she could try that if she wanted.

It started with just her and me. Half an hour previously I had kneeled by her legs, her sitting on the couch in the crowded party home. A short while later she had me over her lap very carefully spanking my jeans-clad butt with her hand, and a shoe-horn. She got braver and tougher on me after a bit, there was one moment I almost drooled on her skirt. I think I've read somewhere that drooling is a sign of relaxation. I was. Confident and relaxed.

Ok, back to that bench. Two sweet girls on each side of me, each with a riding whip in their hand, smacking my behind, no longer in jeans. Stroking, tickling and cupping it, smacking some more.  Stroking and biting a bit on my bared back.

And then... "take a deep breath!" *breathing in* "WHACK".... one hard stroke of a whip, forcing a lot of noise out of me, not really close to "ouch". That was supposed to be the last whack before releasing me and letting me out into that open door into the rest of the party (yeah, I had an audience again, I have no idea if anyone was actually watching, or if all they got from it was the sounds, I don't care).

Anyway, I think I must have somehow, inaudiably let my jockeys know that I was curious for another one of those "deep-breath-ready-yourself-for-pain"-kind of whacks. So the princess asked me: "Wanna try that again?" ... and I nodded, I think.

I had a few more of them, always getting some time to rebound.... and then we had to leave the room to others. Once again I was dizzy, and just wanted to cuddle.


"So, you're not a masochist? Yes you are!"
"No, I take that back, you're a PAIN SLUT!"


I don't know.. I guess I'm not just curious anymore. I've progressed to a place where I can differentiate between pain I like and pain I dislike (which also translated to the right and the wrong side of a horse whip). And here we are, two days later, and I'm all "they just started with the good pain, could that have brought me back to that endorphine rush I experienced?" (See the "Sticks and Stones, love"-post for more on that).

I don't know, but I had a really good time, and I think I'm getting addicted to this kink-business :)

Yours Truly, KinkyKitty the MaybeAMasochistAfterAll

My dear diary...

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Frozen images in my head

Sometimes I feel my life is like this adventurous adult movie. So many lovely encounters with so many exciting people, it makes me feel somewhat special, for letting me be a part of it all.
Experiencing many "surrealistic" things through my sexual adventures, there's some scenes that freezes like snapshots in my head.

For instance: Lying on my back, my head at the bed's outer side, me with my mouth wide open, and him fucking my mouth slowly and cautiosly. Then, as I  open my eyes, my head bent slightly over the edge, I look into the mirror on the wardrobe mirror directly across. His legs, his arse, my look of innocence and surrender and curiosity. SEEING yourself, not just experiencing, that was actually a turn-on for me. Ok, so I laughed a bit, but I didn't close my eyes. I looked into my own eyes, while enclosing his penis...

There's another picture too, with myself in it only indirectly. It's a beautiful girl, having just fingerfucked me, then she unconsciously, without thinking about it sucks her fingers clean, one by one, looking like a very pleased cat, for some reason. Without a trace of pretence, of doing this to please others. Just because she likes the taste. And for the purpose of having cleaner fingers.

And another one
Ok, so my breasts are pretty big. I like them. They look nice, they feel nice, the nipples are ok too. But it's so fun to see (when you're a slut like me, and hey, that rhymed), almost the same look of ... nearly worship, on different faces, having just ducked down between them, and looking up. I know I sound like a complete love-my-self for mentioning it. But it's the word I would choose. The worship-word. I'm talking 4 different faces here, having given me almost identical expressions of gleefullness. I like boobs too. But does size matter THAT much?

And my fourth picture... that's not a picture. Although I was very definitely standing on all fours on a bench recieving some warm-up flogging on a naked ass. And He was fingering me when he felt like it. No, the fourth image isn't about the visuals. It's about the noises. The very private, spontaneous bedroom noises, now in a sort of public setting. For all attendants of the party to see, but more specifically to hear. Sometimes I think sounds are more intimate than visions. Ok, adult move star sure looks nice when she's opening her mouth wider and wider while he/she/they/it makes it good for her. But that's not gonna do anything for me unless I hear some genuin moaning. Also, that's what, in my opinion, separates good realistic porn from cheesy fake porn with lots of screaming and tossing around... But that's another story, I think ;)
Anyyway, fourth picture/audio: My own, without a volume-control noises. Of surprise, pleasure and pure joy.


That's my 4 pictures.
Framed and signed
Yours Truly, Kinkykitty