Dear Diary

It's been two months since my last confession.... And I'm finally back in biz. 

I separated from my Master, we're only playmates now. That's fine for the both of us. 

I thought I had it figured out, that I would start dating someone until I found the right one..

WELL, that's put on hold. Having socialized more with kinksters and experienced more, I'm not intentionally going into a loving one-to-one relationship right now, not unless it's someone willing to share. (Yeah yeah, eventually I wanna settle down in a monogamous relationship, don't even need much kink, I think.) I'm not excluding "meeting the one and falling in love", but searching for the one consciously isn't on just now.

So I view this as a very experimental phase. 

Quite recently, all in one night, I got some experience with a lot of my kinkthings at the same night.

Exhibitionism. Ok, so nudity is a natural thing for me. I like to be naked. I like my body better sometimes, when it's not held by too-tight jeans-waists, or the colour doesn't quite suit me. I like my body. One thing is to be open to sharing your body to a sexual partner, however casual, something quite different is to put yourself in a situation where everyone, not in your control, can see your body in positions you probably wouldn't choose as «first positions to present yourself to others in». And displaying parts you may have wanted to keep to yourself. The thought about displaying nudity has turned me on for quite some time. I've been naked in front of a camera once or twice, and always enjoyed it. So in my head, that qualified as "exhiitionist".
Turns out... I AM. Without too much details, I was flashing genitals, boobs and legs, without any other means of hiding than the ability to say "ok, let's stop this"... which I didn't. Cause I wasn't uncomfortable.I was truly enjoying myself. Enjoying myself because I was living the dream (having someone take care of you in different ways when you're tied up is just undescribable) 

And I was really enjoying the fact that someone was watching. Watching but not participating. Both active watching, as in "you just lie there, I'm gonna watch these two have fun with you", and more accidental watching (people entering and leaving the room, no wrinkled noses, no smirks or weird remarks.) There was a voice in my head that said "Normal people woukld have least TRIED to get out of this situation"... At one point I was looking over at Him, to see if he enjoyed the show he was witnessing. 

And the feeling that those surrounding me actually enjoyed "taking care" of me. That's something I didn't take for granted. I figured they were just pleasing me.

Spankings: ..I've been spanked by a girl for the first time!! Both with a flogger, a pussyslapper and bare hands. Barehanded spanking is just so thrilling. Nothing wrong with being spanked by men who knows their way around a flogger, but there's something about girls....I don't THINK I am a masochist, but then again, I've only had warm-up flogging and some barehanded spanking done. I have so far been too much of a coward to try anything else. But I want to :) 

I feel like I'm a bit too enthustiastic right now. Lets flip to bondage, shall we?

Bondage? Totally my thing. From having someone tying your hands and holding on to the rope, demonstrating that they can do whatever they want with you, to having ropes all over your body (I think the term is body harness?), and finally suspended from a hook in the ceiling, with absolutely no control, and trusting that one person who tied you up to know what they're doing... Oh swell :D

So now I'm searching for skilled rope-Masters/Mistresses, Someone to Dominate me, or show me a good time through pain. If such a creature exists (which they do, according to masochists)